“The feeling of having shared in a common peril is one element in the powerful cement which binds us.”
Here you will find shares from those I have had the pleasure of meeting in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. I thank these amazing and vulnerable people for giving the time to write me a small glimpse of their experience, strength and hope. What it was like, what happened and what it’s like now- to share with others in hopes that they identify.
It is our similarities not our differences that unite us.
Share:
Single, Female, 33.
What it was like: 10 years of unfulfilling relationships, lots of sleepless nights from boozing and narcotics, disconnection from my essence, my family, always blaming people and things about my life and that I had not gotten to 'where I should be'. Everyday was filled with lies, manipulation (in my head to myself and to others), cheating, and putting a different version of myself in front of others. I tried to appear 'put together' and vibrant all the time, and I was overly generous and a people pleaser as I thought that was the only way that people would like me. My addiction took me into abusive relationships where I stayed way too long and started to believe I deserved the abuse. I also started to turn into these abusive men, I would just completely lose myself and give myself to these relationships as a form of validation and this in turn describes my co-dependancy issues. Also I didn't really have any real friends, and the ones I had, I have hurt.
I did not hit another rock bottom before starting the program but I knew if I had waited for that moment, it would be worse. The rock bottoms were getting worse and as life went on in addiction these moments really started to affect my family emotionally and financially.
Now I am 6 months sober, I am excited about life. I am in tune with my emotions and learning how to regulate them. Things don't overwhelm me and I have the capacity to think clearly and logically and I am not afraid to ask for help. I am forming a deep and spiritual relationship with myself and I have people to turn to. I am becoming more confident and trusting that I can show up as myself and do so vulnerably without judgement (take it or leave it ;)).
I can manage my work, my physical health has improved and I am no longer broke all the time. I am forming trust with old and new relationships, particularly with my family. I don't blame them or things that happened in my life anymore. I was seeking freedom and I am finding it. I can attend as many meetings but applying the work in everyday life makes the radical changes. Consistency is key and commitment. This program is changing my life. Every day is still very different but I have tools to deal with whatever comes up and my perspective has changed to this; whatever shows up for me is for my greater good and I can learn something from it.